How to avoid feelings for anxiousness: A tip for new parents
Updated: Oct 20
By Shehzin Sheharas
Sometimes, parents don’t realise they are anxious even when we children do notice that. The main reason is they are not trembling in their boots and often there is no visible sign to them of how anxious they are.
Yet when they think to inquire about it to themselves, they realize that they have been constantly thinking about their children, sometimes even the scary thoughts of their children’s doings which never happened haunt them for a long haul.
Here are some of those thoughts that persistently clutches them :
· “He didn’t do well in school last year; I’m afraid this year will be worse.”
· “I wasn’t crazy about the kids she was hanging around with last year; I can only imagine who she will be hanging with this year!”
· “How is she going to handle all the increased pressure of being on the piano classes? She will never be able to do it.”
· “My son always lies to me. He reminds me of my errant brother who’s done nothing with his life. Is that going to happen to my son too?”
To begin with, we must be calm instead of worrying and agonizing. As it is said, "Never make decisions when you are in a huff ". Then try to guide them in the best possible way. Don’t worry about how you would do the former.
Here are 5 simple things to bring down your anxiety :
Here is the first and foremost thing to control stress and anxiety. Recharge your batteries frequently by your daily routine which should mandatorily include a healthy diet, exercise and your normal hobbies for your physical and mental energy. Advise your kids to do the same and by doing so, a mental state of positivity and contentment fills your house. Focusing on yourself and doing your favourite things will always freshen you and makes you vibrant.
2. KNOW YOUR LIMITS
In an anxiety situation, your comfort zone will be lower than the usual. Never do anything which you feel is unfit at that point considering your mood, which at the contrast can turn disastrous. Never sign up for anything at that point of time, for example, your kid doing something which you hate or dislike, attending any function and so on.
3. DISCERN BETWEEN FEAR AND FACTS
Consider it as an achievement if you could very well understand and differentiate fear and facts. This is the key area where your anxiety piles up. The best way to know if you are parenting from fear is to ask yourself if there is any evidence of what you are so worried about. You might worry that your child is unhappy. Note down the evidence that backs this belief up. For example, he cries every day or he used to be very talkative but now he is quiet and withdrawn. If you have facts to back up your concern, determine useful next steps to attend to the problem.
Maybe talking to him or to his teachers or school counsellor would be a good first step. But if you find no evidence to back up your awful thoughts then recognize this is about you and not him. Get off of him and on to yourself. Consider you in his or her situation and think of the remedies you would do if at the same age. Remember that facts help us to stay calmer.
4. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK
We all have ugly parenting moments for one reason or another. You deserve compassion and forgiveness for yourself in the times your anxiety negatively affects your parenting. Remember, you are doing the best you can do and beating yourself up won’t help you be a better parent. So try going for a break at times, like watching a movie, a drive, depending on your taste.
5. LIVE IN THE PRESENT
And finally, stay wherever you are. Whenever you feel that your mind goes to the consequences that might happen later, bring yourself back to the present. Suppose your son has an exam tomorrow and you start worrying about the result if he would fail. Just think what are reasons that made you think so and discuss it with your son and take the necessary steps to pass the examination. By doing so, a worse scenario is avoided.
Always remember one thing, “ Never regret about the past, don’t be anxious about the future, just live in the present."
Have a nice day!